MANNA: 8/23/12

My son begins kindergarten on Monday.  My wife and I have attended the orientation.  We bought him a new backpack, and he is so excited for his first real ride on the school bus.  I can't help but anticipate a slightly emotional moment coming.  I picture it like this.  He and I will be standing on the curb together waiting for the school bus, his hand in mine just as I taught him.  The bus will arrive, and he will let go of my hand to get on the bus, then wave good-bye to me from his seat.    I will walk back to the house...alone, with the realization that the first stage of parenting (the preschool years) was over.  

There was a similar emotional moment my wife experienced with her son recently as well.  We took him to college.  I watched as she hesitated so many times before leaving.  Each time I could tell that she felt the need to do one more thing; make his bed, arrange his closet, ask him one last time, "Do you need anything?" Finally, we walked together to our car, now empty after hauling all of his things, and drove away.  

It happens again and again through the journey of parenting.  Really, when you think about it, parenting is one big process of learning to let go.  I suppose that's because parenting is all about helping our kids to grow, and to grow is to change and learn, and learn and change.  

As parents, then, I think it makes sense that we do our best to maintain a few things that give our ever-changing children something to keep them and us grounded and connected through it all.   Consider these three steps:

1.  Love them always and let them know they are loved unconditionally.  Don't play games with this.  Don't turn love into an "If...then..." proposition for them to prove to you that they are worthy of it.  Let them know that nothing they do will ever be able to separate them from your love for them.  One of my favorite passages in the bible is Romans 8:38-39, where St. Paul declares to us God's unconditional love for us. Let God's love for us be a model for how we love our children.  

2.  Discipline them justly and consistently, so that they know that there are consequences for stepping over the line.  The process of maturation is one from dependence to independence.  With independence as the goal, we parents must understand that this pathway goes directly through the wilderness (better stated...the wild period) of rebelliousness.  During the "wild period", believe it or not, studies indicate that children are actually crying out to their parents for more structure and discipline, not less.  They have a strange way of showing it, to be sure.  But, the fact is that children do not push the limits because they don't want discipline. They do so simply to find out if we love them enough to protect them, and keep them secure.  Oh, and when step 2 gets too difficult, or when you're losing your patience with your children....refer to step 1.  :-)

3. Last, but certainly not least, pray for them unceasingly.  Pray that they will be protected from harm, that the Holy Spirit will counsel their choices, and that they will be influenced by goodness, righteousness and justice.  

Letting go is not easy, but we are able to do so because we are loved by God who always has us and our kids in His loving and protective arms.  With God's help and our love, our children are given a great gift by our letting go.  They are given the very best opportunity to grow into responsible and faithful adults.  With God's blessing, we parents get to complete the cycle when we see our children become parents themselves.  

3John 1:4

"I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth."

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, we are your children and you raise us up to walk humbly, stand firm in faith, and love our neighbors as you have first loved us.  Help us to let go of our children with trust in you.  Give us grace to love unconditionally, discipline justly and consistently, and pray unceasingly.  Bless us with the sure confidence that in you we may one day see our children become responsible and faithful adults.

In Jesus' name.  Amen