MANNA: August 1, 2012

Exodus 20:12

Honor Your Mother and Father

For a variety of personal reasons, I don't think its necessary to go into detail, I have lately been pondering the 4th commandment.  Of the Ten Commandments, I dare say this one is probably the most relevant to all of us.  So, what does it mean?   Luther's Small Catechism gives us a start.  "We are to fear and love God, so that we neither despise nor anger our parents and others in authority, but instead honor, serve, obey, love, and respect them."  

I am a father.  I have a 5, soon to be 6, year old.  I am often honored by him in so many ways.  At his young age, he thinks I am invincible.  Sometimes he inspires me to believe it for a moment or two.  Most often he honors me simply by obeying the things that I've taught him to do.  One of the rules in which I have little flexibility with my son is that when I tell him to do something he does it at that instance, not later when he feels like doing it. There is a necessity for this.  As a child he is still learning boundaries.  Some of those boundaries are requirements for him to be safe, take for instance the boundary between the driveway and the street.  The driveway is relatively safe.  The street is not.  If he goes chasing after something into the street, I need to be able to tell him STOP, and have him obey in that instance.  He has learned the boundaries of street and driveway fairly well, but as he gets older I am finding this necessity for him to obey at the moment of instruction important for lots of other concerns.  It gives me great honor, now, when I tell him to do something and I see him do what I asked without hesitation.    

Our heavenly Father asks for our obedience for the same reasons.  He knows what will keep us safe, and where the boundaries are between what is right for us and what is wrong.  

I am a step-father.  I have two step-sons, one who is 20, and the other who will soon turn 18.  Both are off to college, but still call their home the same place I do...with their mom.  :-)  At their age, it's natural for them to see me and their mom as threats to their independence.  It's funny how God has designed us with this pre-existing condition of youthful rebelliousness.  God wants us to obey his commands, but then creates us with a desire for freedom and independence.  This period is such a paradox for young people.  They are no longer children, yet they are not adults.  They are in-between identities.  They are their parents' children, but at the same time they are becoming their own new identity.  Caught between identities this is such a difficult and critical time, and yet such an exhilarating time.  During this phase it may be hard to find times when they honor their moms and dads at all. But, I find great honor from my step-sons when they show just enough humility and grace to respect my and their mom's direction or guidance.  

Our heavenly Father asks for our respect for the same reasons.  His guidance and direction is true wisdom, and a moral compass for our lives.  

I am also a son.  My parents are enjoying those so-called golden years, otherwise known as retirement.  I think these years are called golden because they are so precious and rare.  They are now enjoying time with their kids and grand-kids.  Meanwhile, I am already preparing myself for the phase of honoring mother and father that I know lies just ahead for me...the time when they begin to lose the ability to care for themselves. The time will come when I will need to honor them by taking care of them, as they once took care of me.  This is a sad, yet beautiful phase that brings this commandment, as well as life, to full circle.  

When we care for others with the same love and service that God has already given to us, we honor our Father in heaven as our care for others was done to him.  (Matthew 25:31-40)

So, I find there are these three phases of this commandment:

1.  When a child is growing up in the home, the child honors their parents by obedience. 

2.  The second phase begins when children become young adults.  They aren't as dependent on their parents' structure and rules, but they don't yet understand what to do with the freedom they have without them.  In this phase, they honor their parents by respecting what they have learned and what their parents expect of them.  

3.  The third phase of honoring parents is caring for them in their old age when they are no longer able to care for themselves.  This is a tough transition when children become parents to their parents, but if done with a sense of service and love it can be a time of significant grace between parents and their children.  

Obedience, Respect, and Care---three primary stages of honoring our parents.  The welfare of the family is dependent on us living as faithfully as we can into God's command.  As we do, I believe we begin to be blessed with the latter part of the commandment.  God offers a specific blessing to this very specific commandment...the only commandment with its own blessing attached.  

"so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you."

Prayer:  Heavenly Father, I am your child.  You have claimed me, and adopted me in the waters of my baptism.  Send your Holy Spirit to continually prompt me to obey your commands for my own security, respect your guidance for my life's direction, and care for the ones you put before me as if I am caring for you.  Give me grace sufficient enough to be a parent who is worthy of my child's honor, and a child who honorable enough to care for my parents as they need it.  In Jesus' name.  Amen.